Spring 2013 Newsletter

The calendar tells me it’s spring. The daffodils are several inches above the soil now. Yet, this morning, when I look out my window, I see there is still ice on the pond. Despite the sunshine, there are snowflakes in the air.

This is spring in the Northeast, yet I see that it’s also a reflection of the process so many of us seem to be going through. So many of my clients and friends tell me they feel like they’re on a roller coaster ride. One minute, things are entirely clear, they know the direction they’re heading in, they feel peaceful, hopeful and empowered. The next minute, they’re deep within their darkest fears, ugliest patterns and most self-defeating tendencies. They’re not even sure they want to be here. And there doesn’t seem to be any reason for the drastic swing.

Does this sound familiar?

For me, this winter has been insane! Within the short span of a few months, I experienced one of the greatest highs of my entire life, as well as one of the deepest lows. At times, I’ve felt more confident than I ever remember feeling. I’ve seen clearly what lies ahead, understanding my role and stepping into it in utter faith. I’ve felt like I’m soaring, like wings have literally sprouted from my back and I’m flying like an angel or a bird. Within that same brief span of time, I’ve felt utterly defeated. I’ve questioned everything. I’ve felt like throwing in the towel, curling into a ball and crying myself to sleep.

What the heck? For those of us that like to understand what’s going on, it’s been quite challenging. At times nothing makes sense. At times, everything does. We’re deep in transition.

And we’ve never been here before. The world is changing. Feminine energy is rising, and masculine energy is being asked to support this process. We’re moving from a patriarchal society to a more balanced one, where the feminine qualities of magic and intuition are valued rather than demonized or ignored.

This process is happening on a macro level, as well as a micro level. Our masculine societal structures are being asked to change to accommodate a gentler feminine, heart-centered understanding. At the same time, this process is taking place internally. The part of us that likes to understand, control, direct, rush forward and categorize is being asked to make room for feminine ways of doing things, like quietly listening, resting, waiting and being receptive to the unseen. It’s not an easy task.

I know so many of you are trying to navigate these tricky waters – trying to take your beliefs and integrate them into your life in new ways. This process forces us to answer A LOT of questions. How can we find work that honors who we are and feeds our passions, while still paying the bills? How can we be our authentic selves in places that aren’t yet ready to accept or receive us in that way? How do we change our relationship with money, so that it stops being something we’re struggling to obtain and starts being a positive, flowing force for good in our lives? How do we shift out of competition mind-set and into community mind-set in meaningful and practical ways? Can we let go of our fears, especially in the places where we’ve collected lots of “evidence” for why those fears are valid and maybe even healthy?

These are questions we must answer. Not for others, but for ourselves. (Of course, this will naturally translate to helping others and the world because that’s the new paradigm! Win-win.) Can we work with those places within us that doubt, those places that believe we’re not enough, those vulnerable areas where we feel alone, in peril, abandoned, betrayed or invaded? Can we embrace those places with love, allow them to exist and gently encourage them to expand and grow into healthier images, emotions and thought-patterns? If we do, it’ll change the world.

I believe all of this IS possible. It’s not easy.

So I wanted to share some of the things I’ve discovered in my own process. Perhaps, they’ll be of service to you, in your process.

The first thing I’ve learned is that whenever we push past an edge, we’re likely going to have our fears rush forward and present themselves. Sometimes these fears are conscious, sometimes not. It goes something like this:

• You have an epiphany, a moment of grace or some other expansion of energy and consciousness, and you realize there’s another way of looking at a problem you’ve had or a situation you’re in. There’s usually a positive feeling associated with this, even if there’s some fear around actually embracing this new way of thinking. The new pattern might be: I’m going to trust. Or I no longer want to be in relationship with people who don’t honor me. Or This job doesn’t feel right to me, and so I’m going to take a leap and quit, knowing I’ll be provided for somehow. My version of this back in December was I’m talented, I’ve got something to say, and so I’m going to put my book out into the world and be seen. This step can feel like you’ve finally achieved something – like you’ve reached the peak of the mountain. Mission accomplished. Lesson learned. In truth, it’s just the beginning.

• What oftentimes happens (not always) is that this is followed by a realization of our fears. If you’ve claimed abundance for yourself, a large bill you didn’t expect shows up. If you’ve decided to be kinder to yourself, something comes along that makes it really easy to abandon yourself. If you’ve risked allowing yourself to be seen, someone’s going to reject you. If you’ve really pushed past something in a big way, don’t be surprised if your greatest fear rushes headlong to meet you. For me, this happened in February, when I received my first negative review of my book. It was devastating.

• Now is when the real work takes place. You’re being asked to put that new belief into practice, but all of the old programming is still there. It’s de-energized, but very much still in play. So you have a choice. Do you continue to embrace the new idea, or do you fall into the old way of dealing with these challenges? Remember, falling into the old pattern is familiar. Perhaps you allow ourselves to sink into depression with a “why bother” attitude. You may be tempted to reaffirm the old belief, telling yourself “See you’re just not talented/pretty/whatever enough” or “it was foolish to go after that dream.” Or you may reject, abandon or betray yourself in the same way you feel rejected, abandoned or betrayed. Make no mistake – this is the hardest part. When you feel most tempted to behave in an unloving way to yourself, can you love yourself anyway?

If you decide to act courageously and continue on with the new belief (and there’s no judgment if you don’t – it just means this a place where more learning needs to occur), here’s what helps:

1. First, acknowledge that this truly horrible event is a GIFT. It’s here to help you solidify your new understanding. Thank whoever it was that brought it to you, and acknowledge that you must be ready for this or it wouldn’t be here.

2. Create some sacred space. You can use the Creating Sacred Space Meditation on my website for this, or any other practice you already have for doing this (i.e., connecting with the directions and Mother Earth, connecting with your guides, etc.). When you feel supported, grounded and safe, allow yourself to sink into those dark feelings. Feel the depth of the depression. Feel the pain of abandonment or rejection. Be brave. Don’t stop short. Feel the depths of it. This part sucks.

3. See if you can find your “negative intention.” This is the part of you that takes pleasure in the self-destructive pattern or emotion. It finds something of value. As an example, if your negative pattern is falling off the wagon with regard to self-care, your negative intention might be “if I don’t take care of myself physically, I won’t have to worry about people being attracted to me.” This might serve you in a negative way if you’re afraid of intimacy. See if you can find the self-sabotage, and the reason why it serves you. When you find it, you might want to allow it to take a shape or to personify it – see it as a picture or a color or a person. If you feel like it’s living somewhere particular in your body, make note of that, too.

4. Now bring your light into this place by simply sitting there. Look at the pattern. Look at the negative intention and the self-sabotage, the pain and the dysfunction WITHOUT JUDGEMENT. Just observe it. Sit quietly and just watch it. Be very present, feeling your light within. Know that this is a place within you that needs your love and compassion. It needs to be seen. This is what brings it out of the shadow. If you feel it in a particular place in your body, breathe into that place. Take your time and see what happens. You might notice that the shape changes, the heaviness lightens or the pain seems to soften. It’s OK, too, if it seems like nothing has happened. Know that you’ve brought healing into a part of yourself that needs it, and healing is never wasted or lost.

5. Journal about your experience.

Do this process as many times as you need to. It’s very empowering, as it brings the scary thing out into the light. You can then work at trying to love that part that wants to sink back into depression. You can give it space and time. You can support that part of you that wants to walk away. You can do right by the part that wants to betray, and affirm the part that wants to reject. This is a process of self-mastery. It’s a process of reclaiming your true power. We’ll continue to draw these experiences to ourselves until we’ve gotten everything we need from it, so don’t feel bad if you find yourself exploring familiar territory again and again.

When it sucks, please take comfort in the fact that you’re not alone. And when it’s great, don’t hesitate to reach out to people who are in the icky place. We're all in this together. All my love, ~Kim